Growth and Graduation

Graduation is just around the corner~~~

It's a good thing, no? Or is it really a sad thing? 3 years have felt like just 1 month. But in the past 3 years I have changed and grown mentally, psychologically and spiritually. Physically, I've slimmed down by quite a bit since 3 years ago. Yay me!

I have changed my perspective on life, my knowledge has increased--from those that I have acquired from my lecture notes, to those at my workplaces (internship and temp job workplace); from CCA activities and sitting on an Executive Committee to interacting with people I meet physically and online. I have definitely matured and I have been tremendously blessed with many experiences that have molded me into who I am today.

True, not all my bad habits have been broken: I have even acquired some new ones along the way, unfortunately. Nevertheless, I have learnt to take every day of my life as a learning opportunity and a day to appreciate the things in life, be it big or small, significant or insignificant, material or intangible.

My poly life has been thoroughly enriched by family and friends, teachers and acquaintances, haters and strangers; but most of all, God has made the last 3 years in this institution of education worth while. He has strongly impacted my life in times of jubilation and in times of strife. He has placed people, incidents and things in my life that have shaped me into a better person than when I graduated from Secondary School. Without all of these, I would probably not be able to type this out now. Thank You very much from the bottom of my heart.

Friends and family, thank you for being there for me, and for showing me the true meaning of life in each of your special ways. Friends and teachers, thank you for being there for me. You may have interacted with me for just a few days, a few months, a year or even more, but you have nonetheless changed me for the better. You have taught me the true meaning of friendship and learning, and certain people have taught me how to trust. I am deeply grateful for meeting you, and may we continue to keep in touch.

Haters, I forgive you, even though sometimes it is extremely hard to not curse you and hate you back. I thank you for teaching me patience and anger management. I pray that I will be able to stay strong morally, and I hope that we could be able to make up for the hate that runs deep in our relationship.

I have too many things to type in one post, so I'll most likely continue in the next post.

Shattered Dreams? Closed Doors or Opened Gates?

When you see your dreams crumble bit by bit, and you know that as much as you try to salvage them, they'll slip away like grains of sand through your fingers.

When you see your dreams fade away, the hardest thing is to smile and carry on. Or maybe the hardest is to look for an open door or gate when this door closes on you.

It's hard. It's terribly hard.

Indeed, I have been feeling upset and stressed and disappointed. All with myself. And it does not help when circumstances and people rub it in, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Of course, I'm blessed with people who care and comfort and console me, though they claim that they can't do the job well. I'm still grateful and thankful for your concern and love. (:

I need all I can get now. Every single thing. It all counts.

Every end is a new beginning

Every end is a new beginning;
Every farewell leads to another hello;
Every failure comes before another success.

These are mottos that I have been repeating to myself for the past month, and I aim to keep these for the rest of my life. Because that's pretty much what life is. Life goes on. We may make new friends and lose old ones in the process... We may fail in one aspect, but we will succeed in another. Any end leads to the start of another. Yes, even death leads to another dimension. I know it sounds rather sci-fi, but if Heaven is considered a form of dimension, then I guess those who believe in Heaven will agree with me too.

Oh and this is the 365th day of 2010. I.e. it's the last day of 2010.

Time flies.

It seems like yesterday that I was celebrating New Year's on 31st December 2009/1st January 2010.

But I think 2010 has been an extremely fruitful year for me. So many new experiences even though I didn't even step out of the country at all during the entire year. I organised quite a few sessions for CAC, I organised a dialogue session with the current Interpol Prez for my school--my first "large-scale" event that I organised, and the first event that I emceed for. I also attended my first public reception--ASEAN day 2010 reception in August. It was also the first time I interned and experienced "true" work life in a bank. I understand BGRs better. I understand people better.

I lost my best friend, but in the process, I strengthened my friendships with many current friends whom I wasn't so close to last time, and I made many, many new friends in the process. I underwent many trials and tribulations in my personal life, my social life, my school work, my CCA this year. But I've emerged stronger and wiser. I've emerged more determined to become a better person.

Of course I've still got a long way to go to reach perfection. But we can never achieve perfection in this lifetime.

Spiritually, I'm far behind. I need to buck up in this area. As well as my academics. Sigh.

& I've yet to give some friends Christmas letters! Dx

But nonetheless, I'm grateful and thankful and blessed this year. I've been blessed with wonderful friends and family who mean well even though they may not be able to show it the way I'd like them to. I'm thankful that this year has probably been one of my best and most eventful years of my life so far.

I've made New Year Resolutions for 2011. 1 page long. Not sure if I should post them up here.

Parents looked at the piece of paper and said that it's for a perfect person. And some things seem unattainable. But if you don't set your sights high, then how do you progress a lot? There won't be any motivation to progress higher. Or maybe it's the inner hidden perfectionist that I almost never notice is there working at the New Year Resolutions. Hmm...

But I think ultimately, it can all be summed up in 5 words: Make the most of life.

If I don't get to post again before the clock shows 00:00, Happy New Year. God bless you for 2011. (:

How do you know your limits?


When you actually break down?
When you think that adding that something else won't hurt you?
When you know it's going to become too much?

The pressure's on, even more than before. External forces collaborate with time to increase the weight on my shoulders. It is at times like these that you yearn, no... cry out for a break. A true break where you don't have any responsibilities for that while, where you can let go of your worries without having to fret about what needs to be done, or what's going to happen next in your schedule.

Just pure bliss.

That's not to say that being ignorant is good all the time, but sometimes, not knowing just may bring you the most and purest joy around.

Who'll be there to remove those weights? Perhaps it's only by my own efforts that I can do so. It'll be painful and tiring and discouraging, but the light at the end of the tunnel is always a good incentive.

As a friend wisely said, "Few cases of eye strain have been developed by looking at the bright side of things."

Perhaps, it's time for me to think of the positive future and direct my efforts towards it, than wallowing in my present pains, sorrows, stress and worries. It'll be a hard and long journey, but time is a funny, flexible thing. Maybe it won't be that long after all.

I shall look directly into the light for now and point my feet to the source.

Her rants vol 1.0.01

A lot has happened.

Where do I begin?

I've lost a best friend. I've made even more friends, and grown closer to some current ones. (:

I've been blessed with some wonderful groupmates for my Ethical Dilemmas module. Even though I'm the only girl there, but I'm very glad that we all can cooperate and click very well despite the challenges. Pity I'm not in the same class as them for other modules.

Speaking of which, I'm very glad to have chosen Ethical Dilemmas as an Interdisciplinary Studies module. It is one of the best decisions I've made in terms of academics during the past 3 years (: I've got a wonderful, engaging, knowledgable teacher who spurs you to challenge your boundaries and makes the module less dry than it is. I've many classmates who are mostly fun and intelligent.

& I have a bunch of guy friends whom I hang out with during lectures and over lunch. Really glad to have them, though I'm not all that close to most of them yet.

I've met the current Interpol President. I've emceed for an event for the first time, and this event is perhaps the first seminar that I've helped to organise. I've met some new members of my CCA, and I've grown closer to the current and new members. & I manged to get away from one lesson. :P
That was on Friday (19 Nov 2010). It was truly a long and tiring but thoroughly fun and enjoyable day. (: & one of the new members is enthusiastic to the point of organising a gathering in school this coming Thursday for those who were present for the event :D

I'm starting to love my bunch of CCA juniors! ♥

School work is getting bleagh. But I get inspiration from friends, teachers, Tumblr reblogs/posts and Bible verses to carry on lifting my head up and not let it sink in a pool of self-pity, failure and discouragement. I will not let some insignificant changes in friendships and relationships with people ruin me or pull me down.

I am not insignificant. I am not a failure. I am made for bigger things than this.

I must remember this, and, dear reader, so should you. (:

Last chance at teenhood

Birthdays...

the time to test whether people really love you, I guess. Whether you mean anything to them, or whether you're merely a name or face that passes by as quickly as it comes, or one that forever sits in the shadows away from the light of importance.

& when you've just entered the last stage of teenhood, you're caught in the tussle of still being a kid while shouldering adult-worthy responsibilities. To be more precise, expected to shoulder.

It's scary, it's exciting, it's uncertain--what the future brings, how the next year will be, what relationships will be made, forged stronger or made broken... Because one year is a short period of time, yet many things can happen before we know it.

Time's a funny thing, and so are birthdays. A time of celebration? A time of reflection? A time of looking ahead and making wishes, dreams, goals, aspirations, promises... to yourself, to others, or to God? A time to give thanks? I choose to use it as a time to celebrate, appreciate, and envision my future.

It's my last chance at teenhood. All 365 days / 8760 hours / 525600 minutes / 31536000 seconds of it. Also, a milestone year for me, as I move on to another aspect of life, and hopefully, another level with God.

Thank you, family and friends, for all the birthday wishes on facebook & sms, presents, cards, hugs, and love. & Thank You, Lord, for sustaining me through the past 19 years of my life and showering me with blessings and helping me through my trials and tribulations, never leaving my side even during the stormy times of my life. I love You, and everyone in my life.

I'll make my last stretch of teenhood the best yet.