It's the final lap till I become a (temporarily) free bird!

It's exciting but scary at the same time, because it made me very aware how fast time flies. It'll be a long break till the next step in education, and I hope that I can make the most out of this long break to accomplish much and reconnect with friends and loved ones. Maybe I'll take this time to discover myself, but travelling alone is not an option. I'll keep that in mind, but in the future perhaps.

In the meantime, I can't wait for 16.5 hours to pass! ^^

If you had the world at your feet, what would you do?

Diamonds

There will always be people who get upset by your actions.
People will disappoint you, and be disappointed by you.
It may be their fault, it may be yours, or it may be everyone's fault, but they'll point their fingers at you.
People may ignore you or forget you, either because you bore them, or because you are unimportant to them.
People, at least one of the 6.1 billion people living on this earth, will hate you to the core.



But that doesn't mean that you have to give up completely.

When the world turns against you, it's not the end of the world. It will be a period of trials and tribulations. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and surely there's nothing on this earth that will be too hard to the point where it kills you. Well, in the physical sense, there may be, but other than that, I don't think so.

Any period of difficulties would be like the intense and sweltering heat, immense pressure and achingly long periods of time that carbon undergoes. Almost worthless carbon--the kind that is mixed with clay to make pencil leads, the kind that when compact fuels flames. Yes, carbon, under all those extremes, emerges forth as a raw diamond. After which, it is mined out, cut and polished with great care and intricate detail, to become the jewel of all jewels, and all bask in its expensive, glorious and sparkling beauty.

We are all diamonds in the making. I hear of many of my coursemates wanting to quit school when it is the middle of our very last term in Poly. Why the low determination? I'm also going through the same tough times as you, I complain too, but I know that it's just the final league of the marathon that we all have been labouring through for the past close to 3 years.

Why give up now, diamonds in the rough? You're only just a polish and cut away to being a masterpiece.

Untitled

So my soul just keeps burning
With a range of emotions
So wide so wide
The world keeps turning
& I'm spinning around in circles
In my head

Colours and shapes merging into a blur
Sounds blended into chaotic noise
Ideas bombard my brain
With no knowledge of what is right or wrong
I'm stuck in the confusion
Please tell me where I went wrong?

Is humanity degrading?
Or is it just me?
It's a crazy world out there
Where's the peace?
All I ask is for understanding and knowledge
love and care
friendship and comraderie.
Is that too much to request for?

Every end is a new beginning

Every end is a new beginning;
Every farewell leads to another hello;
Every failure comes before another success.

These are mottos that I have been repeating to myself for the past month, and I aim to keep these for the rest of my life. Because that's pretty much what life is. Life goes on. We may make new friends and lose old ones in the process... We may fail in one aspect, but we will succeed in another. Any end leads to the start of another. Yes, even death leads to another dimension. I know it sounds rather sci-fi, but if Heaven is considered a form of dimension, then I guess those who believe in Heaven will agree with me too.

Oh and this is the 365th day of 2010. I.e. it's the last day of 2010.

Time flies.

It seems like yesterday that I was celebrating New Year's on 31st December 2009/1st January 2010.

But I think 2010 has been an extremely fruitful year for me. So many new experiences even though I didn't even step out of the country at all during the entire year. I organised quite a few sessions for CAC, I organised a dialogue session with the current Interpol Prez for my school--my first "large-scale" event that I organised, and the first event that I emceed for. I also attended my first public reception--ASEAN day 2010 reception in August. It was also the first time I interned and experienced "true" work life in a bank. I understand BGRs better. I understand people better.

I lost my best friend, but in the process, I strengthened my friendships with many current friends whom I wasn't so close to last time, and I made many, many new friends in the process. I underwent many trials and tribulations in my personal life, my social life, my school work, my CCA this year. But I've emerged stronger and wiser. I've emerged more determined to become a better person.

Of course I've still got a long way to go to reach perfection. But we can never achieve perfection in this lifetime.

Spiritually, I'm far behind. I need to buck up in this area. As well as my academics. Sigh.

& I've yet to give some friends Christmas letters! Dx

But nonetheless, I'm grateful and thankful and blessed this year. I've been blessed with wonderful friends and family who mean well even though they may not be able to show it the way I'd like them to. I'm thankful that this year has probably been one of my best and most eventful years of my life so far.

I've made New Year Resolutions for 2011. 1 page long. Not sure if I should post them up here.

Parents looked at the piece of paper and said that it's for a perfect person. And some things seem unattainable. But if you don't set your sights high, then how do you progress a lot? There won't be any motivation to progress higher. Or maybe it's the inner hidden perfectionist that I almost never notice is there working at the New Year Resolutions. Hmm...

But I think ultimately, it can all be summed up in 5 words: Make the most of life.

If I don't get to post again before the clock shows 00:00, Happy New Year. God bless you for 2011. (:

Only Through Death (part I)

Only through death, when our bodies burn or merge with the ground, we turn into dust.

We'll be blown through the trees, over land; conquering skies, crossing seas and territorial borders; nurturing the plants that use us to grow, coming in hordes to wreck havoc, dancing in pools of light in a dazzling showcase that mesmerises. We'll make trouble out of nothing, and beauty out of the dull; we'll bring life to one place, and harm to another. We'll be nothing, but we'll be everything. We may seem small, but we'll come together and be able to form things on a massive scale. We'll be almost unseen, yet we can do many things to be seen by the masses...

For eternity.

Only when we turn into dust.



Maybe it is only through death, that our influences will be truly felt.

How do you know your limits?


When you actually break down?
When you think that adding that something else won't hurt you?
When you know it's going to become too much?

The pressure's on, even more than before. External forces collaborate with time to increase the weight on my shoulders. It is at times like these that you yearn, no... cry out for a break. A true break where you don't have any responsibilities for that while, where you can let go of your worries without having to fret about what needs to be done, or what's going to happen next in your schedule.

Just pure bliss.

That's not to say that being ignorant is good all the time, but sometimes, not knowing just may bring you the most and purest joy around.

Who'll be there to remove those weights? Perhaps it's only by my own efforts that I can do so. It'll be painful and tiring and discouraging, but the light at the end of the tunnel is always a good incentive.

As a friend wisely said, "Few cases of eye strain have been developed by looking at the bright side of things."

Perhaps, it's time for me to think of the positive future and direct my efforts towards it, than wallowing in my present pains, sorrows, stress and worries. It'll be a hard and long journey, but time is a funny, flexible thing. Maybe it won't be that long after all.

I shall look directly into the light for now and point my feet to the source.

Her rants vol 1.0.01

A lot has happened.

Where do I begin?

I've lost a best friend. I've made even more friends, and grown closer to some current ones. (:

I've been blessed with some wonderful groupmates for my Ethical Dilemmas module. Even though I'm the only girl there, but I'm very glad that we all can cooperate and click very well despite the challenges. Pity I'm not in the same class as them for other modules.

Speaking of which, I'm very glad to have chosen Ethical Dilemmas as an Interdisciplinary Studies module. It is one of the best decisions I've made in terms of academics during the past 3 years (: I've got a wonderful, engaging, knowledgable teacher who spurs you to challenge your boundaries and makes the module less dry than it is. I've many classmates who are mostly fun and intelligent.

& I have a bunch of guy friends whom I hang out with during lectures and over lunch. Really glad to have them, though I'm not all that close to most of them yet.

I've met the current Interpol President. I've emceed for an event for the first time, and this event is perhaps the first seminar that I've helped to organise. I've met some new members of my CCA, and I've grown closer to the current and new members. & I manged to get away from one lesson. :P
That was on Friday (19 Nov 2010). It was truly a long and tiring but thoroughly fun and enjoyable day. (: & one of the new members is enthusiastic to the point of organising a gathering in school this coming Thursday for those who were present for the event :D

I'm starting to love my bunch of CCA juniors! ♥

School work is getting bleagh. But I get inspiration from friends, teachers, Tumblr reblogs/posts and Bible verses to carry on lifting my head up and not let it sink in a pool of self-pity, failure and discouragement. I will not let some insignificant changes in friendships and relationships with people ruin me or pull me down.

I am not insignificant. I am not a failure. I am made for bigger things than this.

I must remember this, and, dear reader, so should you. (:

Wrong to dream?

Is it wrong to want to be so many things at once? Even if many of them aren't what one is expected to be?

They say, "Follow your dreams."

But seems like this society doesn't really allow that to happen. :/

Last chance at teenhood

Birthdays...

the time to test whether people really love you, I guess. Whether you mean anything to them, or whether you're merely a name or face that passes by as quickly as it comes, or one that forever sits in the shadows away from the light of importance.

& when you've just entered the last stage of teenhood, you're caught in the tussle of still being a kid while shouldering adult-worthy responsibilities. To be more precise, expected to shoulder.

It's scary, it's exciting, it's uncertain--what the future brings, how the next year will be, what relationships will be made, forged stronger or made broken... Because one year is a short period of time, yet many things can happen before we know it.

Time's a funny thing, and so are birthdays. A time of celebration? A time of reflection? A time of looking ahead and making wishes, dreams, goals, aspirations, promises... to yourself, to others, or to God? A time to give thanks? I choose to use it as a time to celebrate, appreciate, and envision my future.

It's my last chance at teenhood. All 365 days / 8760 hours / 525600 minutes / 31536000 seconds of it. Also, a milestone year for me, as I move on to another aspect of life, and hopefully, another level with God.

Thank you, family and friends, for all the birthday wishes on facebook & sms, presents, cards, hugs, and love. & Thank You, Lord, for sustaining me through the past 19 years of my life and showering me with blessings and helping me through my trials and tribulations, never leaving my side even during the stormy times of my life. I love You, and everyone in my life.

I'll make my last stretch of teenhood the best yet.